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Focus within

About obstacles and stepping stones. The worst period of my life is the most beautiful period

Aktualisiert: 8. Jan.

You sure have read that quote somewhere, where it says that rocks in your way can either be obstacles or stepping stones on your path.

I didnt completely grasp that meaning until a while ago.

So you gotta picture this:

You have a miscarriage, a year later your husband leaves you and you find yourself in the middle of a global pandemic.

I was crushed. And when I mean crushed, I mean crushed. Not crushed ice in ice tea kinda crushed but more of a powder that’s left, when you smash that thing and smash it and smash it. THAT crushed.


Keep showing up for yourself! How to get back up on your feed.
Smash it with a hammer to get to the level of crushness

Such fine powder that I couldn’t even worry about finances or anything.

It was just: How do I make it out of bed, to drag myself into the shower, to get to my practice and be there for my patients, for those lovely people that let me be a part of their path?

I love my work. I love it.

This love gave me some strength to get up, to drink some juice (cause I couldn’t eat - I couldn’t) and get moving.

At least for a few hours. Than back under the blanket.

This unbearable pain. I did not think I could be with such pain. But I made it through one day and than another one.

I faced my fear: what will happen, when I feel this pain? Childhood pain, pain from loosing my mom way to early, pain from loosing my child and loosing my partner, my friend, my companion.

Pain from all those mean things my mind was telling me on top of the situation.

„Breathe in, breathe out and lay on your yoga mat. The earth is carrying you. Its okay to make mistakes, you are a human as everybody else, you are allowed to make mistakes. Breathe in breathe out, feel the earth carrying you“

Forward to today:

I am grateful for that experience, it cracked me open, it made me softer and it brought me to that point, where I remembered how to get to that place of inner peace. So much peace and trust.

„I made it! I did all this for me. I picked myself back up, gently, softly but with conviction - eyes on the price, just being, releasing all this pain. Showing up on this yoga mat one day at a time. Again and again. Sometimes just laying on the ground, breathing in and out.

I deserve to live a free life! Everyone deserves to live free! Even free from old pain and old bullshit that the mind is telling you, to guilt you into… what even the mind is trying to guilt you into idk and it does not matter. Because it is nonsense.“

The lesson that I learned for life is huge: I dont have to control everything, I can just let go. In fact it is part of my life to let go and make space for new things, for wonderful experiences, for loving people, for ease.

But before that I needed to let go, make space, trust.

And I can tell you as a high achiever, a strong person I did not want to let anything go. I thought I needed to take care of everything, I thought nobody could do it as well as me and if I wouldn’t do it myself, than it would not be done as well as it needs to be done.

This rock that fell on me and crushed me did two things for me:

I rearranged those many little pieces to that new me I wanted to be. While I was doing that, I really had no energy to hold onto anything and than.... I made the experience, of what wonderful things do happen, when I let go. Wow. So I tried to practice that new habit: trusting and letting go.

And I climbed on that high and heavy rock and up here: a beautiful free view.

You can see so much, when you stop clinging on to everything you already looked at a thousand times and you just climb on that rock life throws at you.

I never would have thought, I could ever be okay with it. Now I am not only okay with it. I am happy, I am at peace and I am excited about every new day.

Keep walking that path of life! Keep showing up for yourself. Its worth it! It is always changing. Have a little faith and trust the process.

Much love from one human being to another. Believe in yourself and your light and get out there and gift the world with your uniqueness!


And P.S.:

You know who my heroes are? Those people that look at their wounds. And it is sometimes hard for them. They keep looking, they keep trying. They keep falling and they keep getting back up. If this is you. REMEMBER: you are a hero! I love you! I admire you! Keep going!

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